Tuesday, May 31

Enthusiasm

[3:17:48 PM] Pia Kitty: so, no then?
[3:17:58 PM] Petes!: beer?
[3:18:08 PM] Pia Kitty: no, I mean the paragliding.
[3:18:20 PM] Petes!: fuck no paragliding!
[3:18:41 PM] Pia Kitty: oh. well, beer then?
[3:22:37 PM] Petes!: okies
[3:23:06 PM] Pia Kitty: well, please calm down the enthusiasm
[3:23:19 PM] Petes!: OKIIIEEESSSSSSYEEEAAAAAHHH

Monday, May 30

Wishing

my veins are blue
like the way you used to look at me
and burst into heavy rain
soaking
laughing hysterically
as if you'd just dreamed of forests
slightly drunk
but really it was just for the heck of it
the way you were loud and rude
when you looked at me
and wanted me to be someone else

Sunday, May 29

The Terror

nauseating awareness that you 
are making glue out of grief and that  
I'm getting stickier by the minute 

there's nothing 
trendier these days 
than depression 

and you think the sadness is all 
which defines you that nothing else 
grants you an identity of your own 

I bet you'd kill yourself 
in the attempt to claim your life 
authentic like you want it to be 

well I'm glad you don't get the joke

your forgiving nature 
offends me 

I don't need you to 
accept 
tolerate 
understand 
me 

but maybe you need 
to believe I intend 
to say I am sorry 
for all the terror I am 

my arrogant nature 
confuses you 

you can't see why I won't 
accept 
tolerate 
understand 
you

Grieving

somehow, while grieving you, i discovered

how i tend to smile a smile that looks like yours

sat down at what i knew was your table

smoking your brand of cigarettes; waiting for you

to find that not only did you not remember me

you'd forgotten the you that used to be mine.

Saturday, May 28

Silence

The way I don't talk
is just a burden to you
though it probably emerged
from the wish of just the opposite;
never to be a burden at all
proving ineffective as you
tell me about giving and receiving
and leave me with the accusation
of never having given anything at all

The way I don't ask questions
is just tiresome to you
I'm just afraid of the rudeness
and offense that so often appears
hand in hand with all the questions
I prefer to leave unasked
you used to tell me everything
and all I had to do was listen
now all there is is heartbreaking silence

The way I don't explain
is of course confusing you
because my hopeless silence
is, in the end, crushing you
forcing you to leave,
begging me to stop you,
standing in the way even of my
saying goodbye to you
driving you further with simple quietude

The way I just stand there
accepting your wrath
taking whatever shit you throw
not even lifting an eyebrow
the shifty eyes, the stupid smile
is now, more than ever,
what it was not supposed to be
the reason you're leaving
- for the sake of silence I am losing you

Thursday, May 5