I don't want to go back to that place, it disrupts my mind, it destroys my presence. But my mind won't let me have a choice.
Can I choose? How do I let go?
"It's not your fault. I'm an idiot."
I'm okay for a while, but then those words reappear and my heart starts pounding. I start feeling sick, my cheeks burn, it has affected me for too long. It bothers me that I don't know. What's not her fault? Why are you an idiot?
I need to archive it, and start over, but I'm finding it difficult when my dreams are always the same.
Haunted by this ghost that I can't shut up, its words and images may be right.
Karma they say, it's a bitch, they say.
"No, I don't want you to hate me."
"We were fucking idiots."
Needles and pins, under, over and everywhere.
I don't know who to point at anymore, so I point at myself and curl up into a ball and let everything go over and over.
Then recurring, these dreams, the laughter, the whispers and what is dark and makes me dark.
If I knew how to quit, I would. One thing or another. I don't know how to quit any of it.